Sis, You Simply Can’t and Shouldn’t Cheat “Self-Care”

The solution? Doing the work. 

Self-care isn’t always an easy path. It requires taking responsibility for yourself. It means doing the work, and sometimes—most times—doing it alone. However, as someone who’s been through a few big life changes myself, I can say, and will continue to say, that it’s WORTH IT.

I remember having a conversation with an old friend who asked me how I was doing—you know, the usual check-in. I realized that because I had prioritized doing the work in my life, I couldn’t quite find the words to describe just how good it felt to be on this side. To still be doing the work, though not exactly where I want to be, yet continuing through the process—it’s an experience that can only be truly understood once it’s lived.

Everywhere I look, I see this obsession with partnership and being in a relationship. But something I’ve realized and must address is that it serves you no good to hold out for something that isn’t guaranteed. Say you do find that person—the one you think is the one—and it doesn’t work out. Then what? Or perhaps you never find that person. You’ve waited, played the game, carefully curated yourself for the dating market, positioned yourself perfectly—and yet, the person never comes. Then what?

You know what’s left? You. A less-than-healed you—still waiting for yourself to show up.

I want to challenge the women who strongly desire companionship—who feel they can’t live without it: Who told you that was part of your life plan in this lifetime? We all enter this life with ZERO guarantees. As Black women and girls, we are constantly placed in positions that remind us of this fact. But what if your power alone is enough? What if you are delaying your own blessings—blessings meant to be experienced alone (whether or not partnership comes later)?

It’s nice to want things, but remember: none of it is guaranteed. I know that can be a hard pill to swallow for some, but my goal here isn’t to hurt feelings—it’s to wake you up to reality. A harsh reality.

Just like the hamster running on the wheel, the same applies to women constantly chasing men in pursuit of companionship or a husband.

From a woman who isn’t dating and has instead chosen to redirect that energy toward becoming her best self and fulfilling her own personal goals, I want to offer you another perspective…

GUESS WHAT? There’s more to life than the hamster wheel of men.

Yup, in case no one has told you—life gets bigger when you start pouring into yourself. You become more attuned to what you want and need versus what the opposite sex wants from you. You begin to feel and see things more clearly. You will grow in ways you never imagined. You will live lighter.

And though it takes work—and it’s not always easy—even for me, as I continue navigating life’s twists and turns, you will learn to deal and cope better by finding your center in self and peace.