Black Women & Girls: Reclaiming Our Power as an Independent Force

I know this may be an unpopular opinion, but hear me out—Black women and girls have long been the backbone of the Black community, carrying much of the weight through our actions, our labor, and our resilience. It’s undeniable that we have a powerful impact on the cultural, social, and political fabric of our communities. However, despite our contributions, there is a painful truth that we often overlook: Black men do not always see us in the same light, and the support we extend to them is not always reciprocated. This is not a statement of hatred, but an observation that has become increasingly clear to me over time.

Let’s take a moment to reflect on a few questions: How often do you see Black men organizing support groups specifically for Black women? Or rallying for Black girls, who are often the most vulnerable in our community? How many times have Black men stood in the gap to ensure that Black women and girls are not only heard, but also protected and uplifted? I’m not asking for exceptions, the 2-3 men who are allies, but rather, where is the collective action? Can we truly say that we have a community where women and girls feel safe, valued, and protected? I would argue that, for the most part, the answer is no. And that’s a harsh reality.

The Disconnection: A Historical Pattern

I’ve spent a great deal of time reflecting on this dynamic, and I’ve come to realize that for generations, Black women have been expected to support and uplift the Black community—often at the expense of our own well-being. We’ve carried this burden, doing everything we can to move the culture forward, to protect, to nurture, to build. And yet, too often, our efforts have not been returned in kind. Instead, Black men have used their positions in society to self-aggrandize and preserve their own interests, while Black women and girls are left to fend for ourselves. We see the way Black women are talked about on social media, the disrespect and degradation we endure, and we are left wondering: where are the men who are holding these voices accountable? Where is the collective effort to protect us and advocate for our needs?

I am not suggesting that all Black men are complicit in this. There are certainly men who stand up for Black women and who work tirelessly for the collective good. But these individuals are the exception, not the rule. And as much as we’d like to think that our support and sacrifices will be reciprocated in the end, the truth is that we have too often been left behind. The lack of collective allyship from Black men is a critical reason why Black women haven’t progressed further, despite our constant labor and contributions. This realization is a sobering one, but it is also liberating. It is a call for us to stop waiting for external validation or support, and to begin to stand as independent forces in our own right.

Shifting the Paradigm: Independence for Black Women and Girls

I believe it is time for Black women to stop waiting for the approval or support of Black men. It is time to let go of the expectation that we must always serve as the support system for others, and instead, start focusing on our own growth and self-preservation. This doesn’t mean abandoning Black men or turning our backs on the community—it means creating space for both Black women and men to exist as their own entities, to grow at their own pace, and to pursue their own journeys of self-improvement. This shift can be transformative, not just for us as women, but for the entire community.

By stepping back and allowing Black men to find their own paths, we create an opportunity for them to evolve into the leaders they claim to be. We must stop over-helping and overextending ourselves, and instead adopt a more strategic approach—one that centers our own well-being and success. Our focus should shift from fixing, supporting, and nurturing others, to prioritizing our own growth, healing, and empowerment. This is not an abandonment of the Black community, but rather a redefinition of how we engage with it. It’s about recognizing that our own strength, health, and happiness are just as important as anyone else’s.

A New Approach: Centering Black Women and Girls

For too long, we have been conditioned to believe that our role is to sacrifice ourselves for the collective, to take on burdens that no one else is willing to carry. But in doing so, we have neglected ourselves. Now is the time for a different approach. We must start by centering ourselves—our needs, our desires, our futures. This doesn’t mean excluding Black men or abandoning our responsibility to the community, but it does mean that we need to reframe the way we contribute. We must stop allowing our energy to be siphoned off by systems, relationships, and expectations that do not return value to us.

This moment is an invitation for Black women and girls to step into their own power and claim their space in the world. We don’t need validation from anyone else, least of all from those who have historically failed to see our worth. By reclaiming our autonomy, we free ourselves to create a better future, not just for ourselves, but for future generations of Black women and girls. Our energy is powerful, and when we invest it in ourselves, we can build something lasting, something that serves our needs first and foremost.

Conclusion: Embracing Our Independence

It is time for Black women and girls to recognize our inherent power and step forward as independent entities, no longer reliant on external validation or support. We are our own force, capable of creating the futures we deserve. By shifting our focus inward and away from the societal pressures to constantly serve others, we can heal, grow, and thrive in ways that benefit us as individuals and as a collective.

This is not about rejecting Black men or the Black community—it’s about giving ourselves permission to exist outside the expectations that have kept us in service for far too long. By embracing our independence, we begin to build a future where Black women and girls are not just surviving, but thriving, in our own right. And that is the future we deserve.