This post is deeply personal to me. I've gone from being a lifelong "people pleaser" to decentering others' needs and fully centering my own. For as long as I can remember, my role has been to support others, a part of my upbringing that led me to neglect myself for years. It wasn’t until my late 20s that I started focusing on myself. At the time, I didn’t fully realize what I was doing, but I knew that taking time for myself was essential.
I remember vividly working a job I despised. I wasn’t in the best mental space and needed to figure out a way to reclaim some peace. I created a sanctuary in my closet—a small space where I’d go after work to write, journal, and just be. This daily ritual became something I eagerly looked forward to: a time to meditate, reflect, and recover. In hindsight, this was the foundation of my journey toward true independence and self-reliance.
I found joy in my solitude, a time to think for myself and reflect on my day. Even though there were those who tried to pull me away from this routine, I’m grateful I stuck with it because it led me on a journey I continue to walk today.
Women often ask how I got to where I am, and my answer is simple: "By focusing on myself. By taking time for myself." Sometimes, it’s really about stepping back from the noise of society and creating a space just for you. I want this for every Black woman—more than anything. I want us to be unapologetically selfish with ourselves. To understand and embrace the power we hold as Black women.
Your presence is powerful. Your aura, your existence—independent of titles like mother, daughter, or sister—deserves to be centered. You deserve peace that isn’t compromised by external forces. The answers you seek are within you.
Our support is immensely powerful, which is why it’s our responsibility to be discerning about where we place it. What I’ve come to understand is that anything Black women support tends to succeed. That’s why, when things are falling apart—like society right now—the world looks back to us, the original blueprint. But when things are going well, are those same people returning the favor? Why are Black women always expected to support others’ causes without being asked what we need?
This extends to Black men as well. And while it may seem controversial, hear me out. When it comes to supporting Black men, are they truly reciprocating that same level of support to Black women? Can you name ten instances where Black women, as a collective, have benefited from the community support of Black men? The world often rests its weight on the backs of Black women, but no more.
I’m glad to see the rise of women who look like me—living life on their own terms. Thriving, resting, soft-living, and experiencing more. These women are living beyond limits, unapologetically. And I hope we continue to grow in this freedom.
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